This was a piece I wrote back in December 2019 right before the COVID-19 pandemic. I was still trying to decide what I was going to do for my Summer off between 1st and 2nd Year of Medical school. I had no way of knowing how much things would change and how God would help me find my purpose through founding Chicago Homelessness and Health Response Group for Equity (CHHRGE).
I have been reading the book “A Child Called ‘It’” by Dave Pelzer, and it has helped me in multiple ways. In one sense is has helped me realize I am not alone, that other people have gone through hell. Each person’s hell is different but it doesn’t mean that one deserves more or less than another. This poor guy defiantly had it a lot worse but it doesn’t mean that I am not allowed to feel worse. What's important is that he was able to overcome and become a healed individual.
I wrote this because it reminded me of my purpose of why I live on. It goes beyond being able to medically take care of others. It means to take care of people as people that includes their mental state, their life, and physical body. I know it is a bit ambitious but I know it can be done even if it is just for a couple people.
There is not just one population I love working with. I found I value people with disabilities, through living with my brother-in law and while working at Imagine as a case manager. I value working with older patients and those close to death, who rarely have anyone to advocate for them. I also want to work with kids who have been abused, and help show them they can "make it" (what ever that means). I guess I have “made it?” I have gotten into medical school (an amazing one), and I have a husband and his family who love me unconditionally. I have two dogs that love me, and who always want to be with me.
Medical school stress has opened up the struggles of the past. Talking to a therapist, calling my parents every Sunday night, learning about ACE scores I feel... uncomfortable (according to my feelings wheel). Everyone says that I need to feel proud of myself. That I have completed my first semester of medical school. That I have passed, and I have worked and tried my very best to learn. I am proud that I am working through my emotions to try to understand who I am and where I need to love myself more. That is one of the greatest challenges I face. I easily find my problems and shortcomings instead of loving myself and being proud of where I have been and am going.
All people, no matter who they are, want to be seen and heard. Therefore, my goal is to be a person and future physician who sees and hears people for who they are. Just because I choose one group or population for this section of my life, doesn’t mean I see other populations as less worthy of my attention. It just means that I want to focus this small sliver of my life on this population.
I sometimes become so overwellmed with a problem I begin doing a thousand things trying to solve it. Then when I struggle, I believe I just need to work faster or harder. But what I truly need, is to breath and realize that it is ok. I need to truly believe that I am good enough. What I am doing is good enough, and that I have my entire life to address problems. Just because I don't solve one problem mean that I am not going to solve future ones.